020: Common Cold Plushie

What is it? A plushie depicting the common cold.

Pros: Blue is good colour for cold. Personifies a microbe as simply doing its job and not being especially vicious or spiteful. Furriness is nice. Cute eyes make owner almost want a cold. Five-prong layout is unconventional. Proof that Delaware has production facilities.

Cons: The common cold ought not to be trivialised. Not big enough to be cuddled. Cute eyes sometimes look sinister. When owner has cold, also has urge to burn item.

Worthiness of pointing motion: 6/10. Colourful for kids. Mixed reactions for adults. Sad for original owner.

019: Meccano Buggy

What is it? A buggy made from Meccano.

Pros: British engineering at finest. Proof that Meccano can be made easily enough. British racing green to reflect domestic production and driving prowess. Long-lasting vulcanised rubber wheels make for long-distance travel. Structurally sound. Carbon-neutral driving.

Cons: Missing a fourth washer for back strut; left out of packaging. Wheels don't turn. No pedals. Too big for Lego driver, too small for Playmobil/Lego Technic driver. No engine. Woefully out-of-proportion steering wheel.

Worthiness of pointing motion: 8/10. Reminding kids that older toys can still be kinda cool. Kinda.

018: Solar Powered Meerkats

What is it? Solar-powered meerkats.

Pros: Garden lighting in very different manner. One has learned to dress self. Carbon-neutral. Promotes family through adult and child set-up. Wind-resistant. On sale.

Cons: Allowed to supersede Super-Owl on the page. Meerkats look intensely sinister in both day and night. MRRP is clearly made-up term. 'Hand-painted' must mean 'badly-painted'. 'P+P' addition in small-print makes sale price slightly less tempting.

Worthiness of pointing motion: 10/10. If you know the person who made these, give then hugs and kisses and gifts.

017: Ikea Sparka Plus Football

What is it? Ikea's plush football, codename 'Sparka'.

Pros: Soft treat for kids. Blue and white are classic colour combination. Made in Indonesia, therefore stimulating the growing economy of an island nation. Pentagon/hexagon pattern maintains footballing credentials. Can be thrown really hard at person's face without too much retribution.

Cons: Cannot be used for regulation game of football. Tag is obscenely long and does not aid rolling motion needed for ball's purpose. 'Sparka' could denote 'fire' to young children; not good as it is intensely flammable. Draws light in photographs, making well-lit rooms look like caverns.

Worthiness of pointing motion: 9/10. "Dear Ikea. Can you please invest in stickers for goods? Your tags are f***ing ridiculous. Sincerely, the world."

016: Comedy Jester Hat

What is it? A comedic jester hat.

Pros: Patriotic in funny way for British, French, American and Icelandic people plus countless other races. Bells can help detection of wearer in low-sound areas. Can illicit feelings of zanyness and wackiness.

Cons: Worn once at League One Play-off Final of 2005 between Hartlepool United and Sheffield Wednesday, ending 2-4; owner was Hartlepool United fan. Not made for heads of 7-1/4" and below. Words 'wacky' and 'zany' can be interpreted as 'bellend' and 'twat' by others.

Worthiness of pointing motion: 6/10. Colourful for kids. Mixed reactions for adults. Sad for original owner.

015: King Edward Cigar

What is it? A King Edward cigar.

Pros: Like smoking but not taking it in. Makes user look cool whatever the circumstances. Red band can be kept on or removed. Plastic-wrapped for freshness. Easily stored in a coat pocket. Makes user look cool when removing it from pocket.

Cons: Like smoking but not taking it in. Only really cool if user bites it. Taking back smoke will result in lung haemorrhage. The whole cancer thing. Emasculating in that cigar is another thing that's better when bigger. Tastes average, undermining reason to smoke it.

Worthiness of pointing motion: 4/10. Cannot do in front of children as morally bankrupt.

014: Chopstick

What is it? A chopstick.

Pros: Easy to learn. Can be used to eat noodles. Colourful design makes most of small surface area. Good poking tool. Easy to wash. Stores well in upright containers. Makes owner look sophisticated if placed in cutlery drawer. Has lots of gravity/pain potential if thrown.

Cons: Better when there's two of them. Hard to master. Despite evidence to contrary, very bad with rice unless sticky. Eating any meal that is not Oriental makes holder look pretentious. Can be mistaken for linguine. Design is overdone and not unique. English eyes take nothing from inscription's meaning. Fork and knife better.

Worthiness of pointing motion: 2/10. You've seen it all before. They're free.

013: Haribo Snake

What is it? A gummi snake created by Haribo.

Pros: OMGZZZZZ it's so tasty. Colour transition almost flawless. Looks quite like a snake, so no lies or contradiction of trading standards. Foam underbelly adds soft element to main chewy offering. Can be used effectively as whip. Will not be lost in rave. Sugar high that lasts a century. You bite it, it does not bite you.

Cons: Like real snakes, susceptible to fire. Teeth cry in pain when presented with sugary demon. Orange does not go with green. It just doesn't. Feeling of guilt if eating snake tail-first, should it have feelings.

Worthiness of pointing motion: 1/10. As you can see, you don't need to point to it. You can see it from miles away.

012: The Flag of the State of New Jersey

What is it? The flag of the state of New Jersey.

Pros: Classic crest. Primary colour fetishist's dream. Despite beheading, horse looks happy. Dresses similar enough for goddesses not to bitch about what the other's wearing. Liberty has name underneath as part of the crest; Ceres (goddess of agriculture) fairly has term "prosperity" underneath her for nice juxtaposition. Looks good both straight and hanging. Whatever Ceres holds looks tasty.

Cons: Women seem bong-eyed. Arms show more joints than they should. Liberty has stolen Noddy's hat and put it on stick. Wouldn't hurt for women to smile. Three ploughs look rubbish. California, Arizona and Colorado flags are better.

Worthiness of pointing motion: 8/10. It's very nice, isn't it?

011: Victorinox Swiss Army Knife

What is it? A Swiss Army knife.

Pros: An efficient multi-tool. Long knife for cutty, stabby things. Short knife for lesser cutty, stabby things. Tin opener for opening tin-based items, though also useful on steel and aluminium. Bottle opener for beer. Screwdrivers on aforementioned pieces for seemingly unscrewing cans and beer bottles. Wire stripper. Corkscrew for wine bottles. Politically neutral. Good weapon. Handy keyring loop.

Cons: No tweezers or toothpick; could lead to death by ingrown hair or meat between teeth. Too hard to get blade out when defending against ragamuffins or vagabonds. Knives are blunt. Awl cannot be opened for love nor money. Perhaps has alcoholic issues due to fixation on opening beverages. No saw blade, so forestry tasks impossible.

Worthiness of pointing motion: 4/10. Swiss are better at chocolate and storing Nazi gold.

010: Film Container

What is it? A film container.

Pros: Stops degradation of film. Most domestic liquids unable to permeate plastic. Good for geocaches. Grey/black combo is classic colour combo. Main black shaft can be overturned and used as Abe Lincoln Hat for small cats/dogs. Could be adapted to make drum kit or wheelie bin for Borrowers. A shot glass for the homeless. Sticking it on your nose makes you look like Bertie Bassett.

Cons: Cameras that use film are so 2002. Cannot bear brunt of sulphuric acid. Inexplicably smells like pencil shavings. Does not protect film if lid is off.

Worthiness of pointing motion: 1/10. Since pointing at it, a feeling of hopelessness has lingered.

009: First Aid Kit

What is it? A first aid kit.

Pros: Can aid in person's rehabilitation following graze, cut or bruise. Waterproof. Light.

Cons: Colour scheme not exciting enough. No heart defibrillator. Does not provide number for emergency services if problem is worse. Unable to cure the deceased. Symbols on outside do not depict events that require only small attention if things go terribly wrong. Does not deliver anything that cannot be kissed better by matriarch.

Worthiness of pointing motion: 2/10. Hypochondriac's dream box.

008: Bic Permanent Marker

What is it? A Bic Permanent Marker.

Pros: Does not dry even when uncapped (three-week minimum period). Black casing matches black ink. Wedge-shaped marker to allow for calligraphy. Can aid with desire to turn a white horse into a zebra. Good game created through uncapping and playing hot potato. Allows people to write MATH on the front of red books (see above). Infamous with kids at schools for that time their teacher used one on the white board and it was really funny. Longer-lasting alternative to boot polish for Minstrels.

Cons: Low odour. Promotes strengths a little too much. Bad choice to use when writing naughty words on someone. Not literally permanent. Sadly shares name with Taylor Swift song.

Worthiness of pointing motion: 7/10. Knowing where this is can help in identifying the next hit for the very casual drug user.

007: Badge from a 1996 Mark IV Volkswagen Passat Estate

What is it? The front badge from a Mark IV Volkswagen Passat Estate built in 1996.

Pros: Instantly recognisable logo that conveys the ethos of Volkswagen, maintaining the company's branding. Can be used as statement jewellery by someone trying to recreate the early days of Beastie Boy Mike D. Attractive to magpies as well as humans. Easy to draw. Good if owner's initials are VW or MN.

Cons: Made available through a car crash that undoubtedly gives Vietnam-style flashbacks to the badge, should it retain emotions. More likely to be associated with Nazism than a 1996 Passat Estate. When upside down, somehow looks sad. Smells like motor oil. Not very good as Frisbee.

Worthiness of pointing motion: 3/10. "Hey, look, have you seen the VW logo?" "Yes." "Oh."

006: Philips Nose Hair Trimmer

What is it? A Philips-brand nose hair trimmer.

Pros: Looks like a quadriplegic robot emperor penguin. Able to precisely remove hairs in the nasal cavity without causing more fuss than a tingling sensation. Can trim other body hairs with little fuss. Orange casing alerts user of any possible danger. Made by a trustworthy Dutch brand. Back has patterned rubber skin to ensure grip is maintained through trimming process. Only takes one AA battery. Waterproof. Plastic cap stops children from killing themselves with it. Cap also resembles transparent Smurf hat. Easily fits in toothbrush-holding home utility or travel bag. Shows that nasal hairs are important enough to demand specialised gadget.

Cons: Nasal hairs should not need a specialised gadget at any price. Does not cut hairs, instead shredding them. Owner will never be able to tell you how they got it because they will not have bought it. Looks too much like sexual aid and vibrates enough to sustain said notion. Encourages sneezing. User will always be frightened that nose is no place for sharp and fast-moving blades.

Worthiness of pointing motion: 7/10. Looks too much like an endangered flightless bird to dislike or ignore.

005: Dental Stick

What is it? A dental stick.

Pros: Things that are stuck in your teeth are handily removed. Rounded, ergonomic design allows for more aerodynamic oral movements. Can be used in combination with other dental sticks, plus a lot of spare time, to create a model of anything you want. Makes you look cool if you let one dangle passively from your mouth. Regularly called in as the cavalry in situations when electronics need resetting and that screwdriver you have somewhere in the second drawer is just that bit too big. Provides an extra step insuring that safety matches could be even safer without any possibility of ignition. Allows the pointer to study the definition of their fingerprint when photo is taken. Could make a bridge for ants.

Cons: Calling itself a dental stick is above its station, as if 'toothpick' is preserve of proletariat. If not using Nordic birch (unlike the above), it could splinter, resulting in both food staying in the mouth and the opening of a wound that said foodstuff could infect. Creating a model with many dental sticks only serves as proof of loneliness. Pointy nature makes it a danger to eyes. When alongside its friends in a box, a nightmare to pick up when you inevitably drop them.

Worthiness of pointing motion: 2/10. Given this item is often bought in a fraternity of tiny wooden chums, this item seems insignificant when singled out. Not a good way to waste wood.

004: Scourer

What is it? A household scourer.

Pros: A hard surface for dirt and grime and a softer side for more delicate matters. Porous aspect means water absorbency is prime. Hard to lose due to striking colour scheme. Cut-in sides allow for a better grip on the sides, particularly when engaging in a hardcore scrub. Can be bought in packs of 12 for £1. When applying washing-up liquids, the colour scheme matches both lemon and regular cleaning products before they turn into foamy lather, making it a consistent partner during the cleaning process for those with hue issues. Good use of two shades of chartreuse. Better than disposable cloths.

Cons: No emotional attachment due to the transient, finite nature of the product. Yellow and green combination is memorable for vomit and Norwich City FC. Cleaning knives is almost always fatal to the offering's structure. Cut-in sides mean you get less cleaning action for your money. Looks more comfortable than it is. Tends to melt near sources of heat. Lots of bad people will have used one at some point in their lives, making it a possible contributor to world evil.

Worthiness of pointing motion: 10/10. Draws attention to a possible name change of "Scrubbin' 'n' Rubbin"; this may make the product down with the kids. A promotional campaign with the Brazilian national football team, Usain Bolt or Lotus would work due to the matching colour scheme. This, however, could up the cost of the average scourer. There is little room for improvement in design, making the pointing motion a muse for creativity in the UK, particularly in relation to the removal of hard stains on cutlery, crockery and cookware.

003: Hungarian Whip

What is it? A whip handmade in Hungary.

Pros: Can be used as an archaic, inaccurate weapon. Could be adopted as a way of crossing chasms with a handily-placed central beam running perpendicular to your direction of travel. Beautifully decorated. Can assist in fantasies or role-playing as Indiana Jones, Zorro, Catwoman or a dominatrix. Demonstrates the effects of a sonic boom when cracked. Useful as a threat to miscreants and ragamuffins when hung on a wall in your abode. Leather effects at base of whip look like a gothic thistle.

Cons: Useless in a small space, unless wanton destruction is a priority. Pointless in modern combat, even when fists are your only adversary. Only a display whip, meaning it will break after six or seven really good cracks. Nine times out of ten, you will hit yourself and cause pain and distress by doing so, wondering why you even tried in the first place. Foes will likely laugh and not be worried. Women will question your sexual intentions. Will ensure that your bag gets searched in customs. Cumbersome. People will buy you the Bonanza! box set as a Christmas or birthday present. One of the few things parents can say "you'll have your eye out with that" and be more correct than not.

Worthiness of pointing motion: 8/10. Pointing to it is a legitimate threat. Pointing to it when a prospective partner is in the room could be a mixed bag. Quite pretty and off-the-wall as an item that's casually owned in the UK, even though it's literally on the wall.

002: OJ Simpson Throwback American Football Jersey

What is it? An OJ Simpson throwback American football jersey (Buffalo Bills) made by Mitchell & Ness.

Pros: A good way of outwardly showing that you see the best in people, despite their faults. Can be worn as an act of solidarity with OJ after he was found not guilty. May also show solidarity with 1990s Black America. Every feature sewn-on, making it a perfect long-term investment and resistant to washing. Brightly-coloured, meaning you will not be lost in a sea of people when someone is searching for you. If you're 32 years old, the jersey becomes descriptive. If your last name is Simpson, it can be used to the same effect. Roomy. Can be customised with splatters of red dye for an anachronistic and historically-inaccurate fancy dress outfit. Desirable.

Cons: Made of a material akin to tarpaulin mixed with a burlap sack. Unrecognisable as the jersey of OJ Simpson for those who thought he was only famous for being a useless agent in the Naked Gun trilogy. A jersey celebrating a probable murderer. White people would need to black up to carry it off at a fancy dress party, somehow cheapening the direction of the costume and taking the joke too far. Expensive purchase.

Worthiness of pointing motion: 9/10. A beautiful jersey that is rare enough to justify pointing to someone. The point also lets us look back at the events surrounding the OJ Simpson murder trial, thus embracing history and perhaps teaching children some important life lessons, or at least contemporary history. Reminds people that he was really good for the Buffalo Bills. Also reminds people to watch the Naked Gun films again.

001: Right Guard Roll-On Anti-Perspirant

What is it? Right Guard Roll-On Anti-Perspirant.

Pros: Bought from Home Bargains for 79p. Able to stop profuse sweating. Small and compact size makes it ideal for travelling. High-density plastic makes it a solid projectile when faced with a hostile situation. Agreeable scent. Roll-on nature means other people will be less likely to borrow it for their own materialistic gains.

Cons: Item was clearly sold in Home Bargains due to its inability to regulate amount of anti-perspirant applied; copious liquid therefore makes you look like you're sweating after application. 3D Protection means nothing, unless living in three directional dimensions is something people are meant to be happy about. Does not last 24 hours, unless you plan not to shower or do nothing that can result in sweating. Unlike spray-on deodorant, it cannot be used in tandem with fire as a flamethrower against friends, relatives, pets or zombie hordes.

Worthiness of pointing motion: 6/10. While this product is relatively good value for money, it illustrates that being cheap can affect your personal hygiene and result in creamy, scented armpits. Not as useful a weapon as it could be.